Motherly Instinct. My ass.

You know that thing about women who find out they are pregnant instinctively cuddle their bellies? To protect and nurture the new life growing within them?

Bollocks.

I have since found out that women (me, for example) who do it, do it to let other women know that yes, they ARE pregnant and not just fat. For the last few weeks, I have found myself in the very enviable position of having a not so noticeable bump, but noticeable enough to look fat. So, yes, the hands go to the tummy all the time in the universal symbol of, feck off, I’m retaining water.

In other news, my insomnia is still going strong which is why I find myself trying to catch up with the rest of my life and almost 2 in the morning. Yay.

Disclaimer: Contrary to how I sound, I AM happy to be expecting.

Stress/Anxiety/Etc, etc.

When I was pregnant with Gabriella, I used to lie awake at night trying not to get panic attacks about things like the impact of my pregnancy on the environment and how her dirty nappies would contribute to the 4% of nappies that fill up UK landfills. Or how millions of people across the planet died everyday due to warfare, disease, poverty, etc or infant mortality rates or if I was going to give birth to the next Caligula.

But right at this minute, when the first few weeks of pregnancy brought me bouts of 14 hour sleep marathons as opposed to the insomnia I now have, I’m worried about the pennies. Every last one of them that I’m going to need to raise not one, but two children that I do not have and do not know at this very moment how i’m going to make. I’m second guessing every decision/purchase I’ve made in the last 12 months and despairing over the money I could have, would have, should have, but didn’t save.

God, I should really just go to sleep, huh?

Crying with my daughter who got upset when I sang Barry Manilow to her. Okay, it was Barry Manilow, it would make anyone cry. I was singing “Can’t smile without you” to her and after the first verse, her face crumpled and she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong because it wasn’t a sad song and she said it was because she can’t smile without me… And so I started crying too. And then we both couldn’t stop.

Can anyone say AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?

Stupid Barry Manilow.

The joys of babywearing.

I loved loved loved carrying Gabriella in a sling. I used the same pouch sling mom bought me in Manila from when she was born till, well, till now. I haven’t used it in ages but I always keep in handy cos I can always throw it on in a pinch. Babywearing always appealed to me even though it was so uncommon here. Mom was a bit dubious about me looking like an Ifugao tribeswoman though. When I started using it around the town, I got a lot of very curious stares and plenty of questions but mostly a very positive response. Needless to say, I got a few negative ones as well. What about her back, what about your back, its not natural, its new fangled, you won’t be able to put them down, bla bla bla and at first I was very defensive, I’d practically memorised spiels about the benefits but in the end I thought, fuck you. It’s my baby.

There was also a perception about baby wearers. I remember when G was about 10 months old and we had to rush her to hospital, i’d gone ahead to the Paediatric ward and i had her in the sling. The nurse asked me a few questions and then she just turned around and said, “I presume you breastfeed and co-sleep.”, which I did, but it kinda made me think, wow, lady, i shave my armpits and bathe regularly though.

But, that was three years ago and since then, more people, especially in bigger cities are wearing them, although there hasn’t been a babywearing explosion in Donegal, and I hate to say it, babywearers here seem to fall under the stereotype. Regardless, I plan to babywear no. 2. My pouch sling is still in great nick but i’ve been surfing a lot and there seems to be a bazillion new baby products that have appeared in the last three years and I want them all. I can’t justify spending upwards of €50 on a new sling when mine is still good plus I also have an Ergo that is good as new.

Today, out of the blue, while we were getting dressed Gabriella asked if she could wear my sling for her baby. We’ve been talking about the new baby a lot because I want her to get used the idea of our new addition long before the baby arrives. My heart sighed a bit for my baby girl who amazes me everyday as she changes into a “big girl” (that’s what she’s calling herself now). I made her a makeshift sling out of a scarf and she was pleased as pleased could be, as you can plainly see.

CRAVINGS

I had weird cravings the first time around. With Gabriella, I craved ice cream, crisps and Eminem. I had to have a bag of crisps a day when I might not have eaten one in the year before. And the only music i could listen to was Eminem, who i NEVER listed to previous to that. I half expected Gabriella’s first words to be “Hi, my name is, my name is….”. Anyway, this time around, I want so many things I don’t know if it can be classed as cravings at all. Plus, anti cravings too.

I like corn. Corn kernels, creamed corn, corn on the cob. But normally, I can live without it. The other day, I had to make a mad five minutes before closing dash to the supermarket because I HAD to have corn on the cob or I would just freak make my husband’s life a misery. So off I went and I got the vegetable aisle and spotted ONE lone vacuum pack of corn on the cob. Two french tourists were chattering away in front of it. Then i heard them utter “maïs” and my heart froze. I actually did some ninja stealth moves, snuck in behind them and snatched the corn from between their legs and bolted for the check out. I did not stick around long enough to find out what they thought of the crazy lady who did not have the benefit of a bump yet so could not use the I’m pregnant excuse.

Now fruit is good. Fruit is healthy. But when all you want to eat is fruit and nothing BUT fruit for 4 straight days. Fruit can be bad. It can be very very bad… when it comes out the other way. Or tries to. You know when you convince yourself your farts don’t smell and no one will know its you? Well, you should stop lying to yourself. I found I could eat my own body weight in fruit. Blueberries, strawberries, cherries, pineapple, mangoes, peaches, pears. If it was expensive and out of season, I wanted it.

Chocolate is a girl’s best friend. I’m partial to a nibble now and again. But the minute i peed on a stick and two little lines came up, chocolate and I were no longer friends. I can’t even type the word without feeling a bit retchy. So, bonus or not? I’ll say bonus considering all the other sugar based foods I’m suddenly consuming!

Me: Your pregnancy blog is turning into a food blog.
Me: Shut up. That’s what pregnancy is about.
Me: But what about the joys, the changes, the new discoveries?
Me: Feck off, I discovered a new way to eat Fluff.
Me: Hmmm. Fluff.

If I hadn’t already had a scan, this egg would have had me quaking in my boots. Two yolks, at home, would have been a sure sign of TWINS to come. The thought of it makes me cross eyed with fear. Luckily enough, I did have a scan so all i thought was, “Yum, more bang for my buck.”

The egg went into my very healthy kimchi ramen (give a girl a break, I can only eat so many vegetables on one week). I did pause after I nuked it in the microwave and contemplated whether cheese would complement the kimchi or just be *gross*. Uh, i went for gross.

I started this blog to mark my journey with baby no.2 (have you noticed I can’t find the hash key on my keyboard?) I decided to go with titbits, as opposed to tiDbits because once again, my boobs have become an instrument of child bearing and rearing. I started it after I marked my first trimester just so I wouldn’t jinx anything and my first ante natal appointment last week really brought that home. What started as a routine check up to listen to the baby’s heartbeat ended with me being rushed to the hospital for an emergency scan and although it might not have been a big deal in the scheme of things, it really really upset me. Having to go to the hospital to check if the pregnancy was still viable was as scary as they come. But, i’m still here, so all is well so far.

The first time around, I was too busy routing out all the different places I could get sick in, took up most of my first and second trimester so there wasn’t too much time for documenting. This time around, thank god, I haven’t experienced any sickness, but plenty of other symptoms. So here we go!

 
SUGAR – I can’t get enough of it.

I have taken to mainlining sugar in the form of fruit loops which i smuggle into work in little plastic baggies hidden in the lining of my jacket. No sugar = cranky pregnant lady who snaps at the tourists.

The same reason I couldn’t pass this up.

Creme Brulee PIE. OMG. Thank you for the excuse to eat all around me.

HORMONES – the all rounder excuse

I have had an obsessive compulsion (is that redundant?) to reread ALL my Nora Roberts books and cry hysterically at each one. Yes, fun times for the husband when he found me sitting on the floor, at the foot of Gabriella’s bed, crying my heart out.

At least I have a few more months to blame anything and everything else on “the hormones” or “the baby made me do it”. Example, I ate my own weight in marshmallows cos the baby made me do it.